Compassionate Nonviolent Communication
The heart of the practice of nonviolent communication as originated by Marshall Rosenberg, Phd is a shift of consciousness from domination paradigm which correlates with power-over and power-under to a paradigm of shared power where everyone's needs matter.
Through our intention and practice of connecting with Universal Needs, we begin to inhabit a context of connection, collaboration, and possibility. Universal Needs have both a specific component, in how we experience life through our bodies in a given moment, and a universal component, in that we all share life energy. Feelings indicate our present experience related to our needs. When we connect with feelings and needs, our state – our level of consciousness – shifts and more becomes possible.
Nonviolent Communication is based on historical principles of nonviolence-- the natural state of compassion when no violence is present in the heart.
Ahimsa is a Sanskrit word which means nonviolence. Satyagraha is a closely related concept, which is often related to nonviolent action, or resistance. Satyagraha includes the Sanskrit words satya, or truth, and and āgraha, which means to hold firmly. Satya is derived from the word sat, which means being.
According to Ghandi: “Truth, satya, implies love, and firmness, āgraha, engenders and therefore serves as a synonym for force. I thus began to call the Indian movement satyagraha, that is to say, the Force which is born of Truth and Love or non-violence, and gave up the use of the phrase ‘passive resistance,’ in connection with it, so much so that even in English writing we often avoided it and used instead the word satyagraha.”
Learning and integrating compassionate nonviolent communication into your life is an inside-out process which takes you deeper into self connection, connection with others, and with all of life.
Through our intention and practice of connecting with Universal Needs, we begin to inhabit a context of connection, collaboration, and possibility. Universal Needs have both a specific component, in how we experience life through our bodies in a given moment, and a universal component, in that we all share life energy. Feelings indicate our present experience related to our needs. When we connect with feelings and needs, our state – our level of consciousness – shifts and more becomes possible.
Nonviolent Communication is based on historical principles of nonviolence-- the natural state of compassion when no violence is present in the heart.
Ahimsa is a Sanskrit word which means nonviolence. Satyagraha is a closely related concept, which is often related to nonviolent action, or resistance. Satyagraha includes the Sanskrit words satya, or truth, and and āgraha, which means to hold firmly. Satya is derived from the word sat, which means being.
According to Ghandi: “Truth, satya, implies love, and firmness, āgraha, engenders and therefore serves as a synonym for force. I thus began to call the Indian movement satyagraha, that is to say, the Force which is born of Truth and Love or non-violence, and gave up the use of the phrase ‘passive resistance,’ in connection with it, so much so that even in English writing we often avoided it and used instead the word satyagraha.”
Learning and integrating compassionate nonviolent communication into your life is an inside-out process which takes you deeper into self connection, connection with others, and with all of life.
"All that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries about consciousness, language, communication skills, and use of power that enable us to maintain a perspective of empathy for ourselves and others, even under trying conditions."
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Phd
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg, Phd
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Pause
Breathe Connect with Your Intention Wonder… What feelings are present? In me, in you, in us? What needs are present? |
Embodiment and Trauma
While the heart of NVC supports people to connect with the beauty of life, it’s important to acknowledge that obstacles to connection do exist.
One of the ways to understand trauma is the trauma response is the physiological response to difficult events within the physical body, the nervous system, emotions, and thinking mind (as well as the traumatic event or situation itself). Whether the stimulating difficulty is a physical accident / mishap, a war, systemic oppression, neglect in the family system, or many other possibilities, human body intelligence will respond to protect life and well-being in creative ways which initially are helpful (for example to numb the physical and emotional body when hyper-activation cannot be sustained) and later show up as symptoms, if left unaddressed. Because this response comes into being naturally through the bodymind system, we may not recognize its presence.
When we engage with observations, feelings, needs, and requests in the practice of NVC, we will likely meet some trauma responses which are still held in our body and others’ bodies. This is not a problem, per se. We’re not necessarily trying to connect with what’s behind the trauma response (for example, the emotion underneath numbing) but instead opening to curiously and compassionately connect with whatever’s here, including numbing, understanding that it’s here for some reason, even when we don’t know what that is.
It’s helpful to be aware that connecting is a capacity, and all of us have varying levels of capacity – both in the stage of our lives we are in, and also on a moveable basis, like responding to someone snappishly when we need rest. Practicing NVC tends to strengthen our capacity to connect, especially as we practice over time.
Bringing curiosity and compassion is a key to connecting with whatever shows up within us and in our relationships. NVC practice in itself is not always the strategy to resolve or heal every challenge: other support may be needed. NVC practice makes it more likely to deepen our connection with our needs, recognize our capacity and the capacity of the systems we operate within, and move into action in support of life and well-being for all.
One of the ways to understand trauma is the trauma response is the physiological response to difficult events within the physical body, the nervous system, emotions, and thinking mind (as well as the traumatic event or situation itself). Whether the stimulating difficulty is a physical accident / mishap, a war, systemic oppression, neglect in the family system, or many other possibilities, human body intelligence will respond to protect life and well-being in creative ways which initially are helpful (for example to numb the physical and emotional body when hyper-activation cannot be sustained) and later show up as symptoms, if left unaddressed. Because this response comes into being naturally through the bodymind system, we may not recognize its presence.
When we engage with observations, feelings, needs, and requests in the practice of NVC, we will likely meet some trauma responses which are still held in our body and others’ bodies. This is not a problem, per se. We’re not necessarily trying to connect with what’s behind the trauma response (for example, the emotion underneath numbing) but instead opening to curiously and compassionately connect with whatever’s here, including numbing, understanding that it’s here for some reason, even when we don’t know what that is.
It’s helpful to be aware that connecting is a capacity, and all of us have varying levels of capacity – both in the stage of our lives we are in, and also on a moveable basis, like responding to someone snappishly when we need rest. Practicing NVC tends to strengthen our capacity to connect, especially as we practice over time.
Bringing curiosity and compassion is a key to connecting with whatever shows up within us and in our relationships. NVC practice in itself is not always the strategy to resolve or heal every challenge: other support may be needed. NVC practice makes it more likely to deepen our connection with our needs, recognize our capacity and the capacity of the systems we operate within, and move into action in support of life and well-being for all.
